Serve To Lead

Gratitude is one of the strongest and most transformative states of being. It shifts your perspective from lack to abundance and allows you to focus on the good in your life, which in turn pulls more goodness into your reality.

Jen Sincero

If this is your first time reading this newsletter let me sum it up for you. We write about how leadership shows up in life every single day and then tell the story and offer practical advise for leading and spotting these lessons. We hope you enjoy it and pass it along.  

“It’s been a minute.” (I love dichotomies):

If you’re reading this you’re probably wondering, “what happened to this guy?” or “I thought he was dead?” I took some time off, 7 months to be exact, so that I could finish a Master’s degree. And I’m proud to say I’ve completed it.

It’s both been a while since I last wrote this newsletter and I recently used this phrase with some old friends I was blessed enough to see, shake their hands, hug their necks, and even shed some happy tears with.

Returning to writing this newsletter is also very symbolic of how people weave in and out of relationships, life events, and the cyclical ups and downs of our existence. I was reminded of this a week ago and I’ve anxiously awaited writing about it to share with you how perspective truly is everything.

I’m a soccer coach. Could there be a more metaphorical position that captures how life happens to you? A week ago my team sadly lost in the semi-finals of the state tournament, one game away from the championship game. So close, yet so far away. I might also add that the loss is all my fault. I was immediately reminded of the University of Georgia’s Kirby Smart giving a speech on the costs of leadership:

1) You have to make decisions that negatively affect people you care about.

2) You will be disliked despite doing the best you can for the team.

3) You will be misunderstood and won’t have a chance to defend yourself (and you have to be ok with that).

I was frustrated, but in an instant God “flipped my script.” The coaches for the team we lost to are dear friends. And as I made the long walk over to shake their hands and lead the dreaded march to say “good game,” I couldn’t help but observe the absolute joy that them and their players were experiencing. I’ve been there, felt that, and yes even have the tee shirt, but they haven’t.

And like the lord often does, he whispered into my soul. And what I heard was, “It’s not your turn. Be happy FOR them.” What I needed was a change in my perspective. We silly humans get so wrapped up in our own lives and accomplishments, ticking boxes, and chasing what’s next that we forget to be happy for others and celebrate the successes of people we care about. I sure needed that refresher on gratitude.

As we loaded the bus and made the long and dreaded drive in which I’d be in solitary confinement with my thoughts and regrets for 3 hours, it began to dawn on me that over the course of the weekend, as I’d focused on film and tactics I had not taken the time to reflect on the fact that I’d seen, spoke to, and reminisced with 7 people that I’d lost contact with throughout my life. Some for just a few months, and one for over 15 years.

As the miles progressively ticked away so too did the memories of each of those people come steadily back to me. Players I’d coached that are now champions in their own right, friends that, in my darkest times, have counseled me, given me a place to stay, comforted me, believed in me, and invested in me and I in them.

That’s when the true value of the weekend dawned on me. The costs of leadership will return to you because of your investment in others. I like to look at this as life’s ROI system. For me to have the life I have now, and for those friends and former players I was reunited with to have the lives they have, we each needed one another to invest in the other. Seeing their struggles and triumphs, hearing of their moves and losses, and experiencing those of my own, we each have overcome so much to get to the point in the timelines of our lives where they again intersected. And the celebration of that intertwining of fates carried with it a score of laughter and appreciation.

As our altitude increased, making our way into the Ozark mountains, so did the height of my view from which I looked at my weekend. As I removed myself from my own selfish emotions and zeroed in on the return on investments I’d just received, I acquired a deep sense of gratitude for each of the people I’d reconnected with, and for the struggles I’ve encountered along the way to our reunion. Those people and those events helped shape me and my life into the miracle it is now. And, I was reminded of what a blessing we were and are to each other. We all have a greater purpose on this Earth and in our lives. That is the true value of your existence. 20 years of coaching and it took me this long and a loss to truly appreciate these three daily steps:

1) Invest in others and do so with joy. (Please remember that accountability is also a love language)

2) Sometimes it’s not your turn, and that’s perfect. Celebrate others.

3) Be thankful for the opportunity to lay down the cost of investment. Be more thankful for the return when you experience it.

And like Ben Rector sings, look at your situation from a higher perspective and realize that regardless of your current situation, you are truly blessed. This week, follow that plan and carefully look for your returns on your investments. They’re everywhere, everyday.

I've walked into harder times
I've walked out the other side
It seems like you end up getting what you need
Yeah, looking down from 30,000 feet
 Life's been good to me -Ben Rector