Serve to Lead

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men" Herman Melville

It was a pretty typical day at Malaga’s Maria Zambrano train station. The station was bustling with people carting luggage and shopping while waiting on their departure time. The “crumbs” of the day’s lesson were being dropped all around me but I had no idea that a transcending main course was waiting for me on the ride to Sevilla. The 1st crumb that “wet the leadership palate” happened in a clothing store. I mistakenly tried to help my 16 year old daughter pick out some clothes. Cue the teenage frustration, “Ugh, rubs eyes and clinches jaw, I don’t like those.” But I had already really upset her with my persistence. Lesson learned. She is who she is and likes what she likes. Who am I to dictate that or change her?

The second lesson was delivered by a mom. I don’t know whose mom she was, but this lady was clearly a mom. I determined this by her tone and demeanor as she entered the men’s restroom to clean it…..while it was still full of people. Luckily I escaped the tongue lashing since I was waiting in the hallway on my kids. As she entered she exclaimed, “Madre mia!” Over the course of our trip I’d heard this turn of phrase several times and always in similar context. Someone was not happy. Basically she was scolding everyone in the bathroom. She may as well have said, “You really live like this?” Second lesson learned. It shouldn’t be someone else’s responsibility to clean up someone else’s mess. We should be responsible for our own messes….and actions. This creates a balanced environment that benefits everyone around us. I’m totally stealing this saying to use at home by the way.

And so, these things started the day’s lessons that are rooted in our topic: COMMUNITY.

They are applicable to our teams/organizations, families, and to society as a whole. And recently we’ve seen just how sorely their application is needed. A week ago a former president was struck by a bullet in a failed assassination attempt and earlier this summer there was a mass shooting in the small community of Fordyce in southern Arkansas. Today’s newsletter has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with the root of why these things happen. We, and I do mean we as in all of us in the United States and many places globally, have lost and failed to reclaim the sense of community that once existed amongst us.

Everyone is different. And, if they can’t meet expectations that protect the whole, they should be held accountable. But we should also encourage, empower, and celebrate the differences we all bring to the societal dinner table when our efforts are aimed at making things better and safer for everyone. Our families, teams, and organizations are going to be full of different characters. And, EVERYONE has an “Uncle Eddie.”

And so, our train began boarding. Everyone in their assigned seats, bags tucked away, buckled in and on our way to Sevilla, so we thought. After an hour into the trip, just as many had drifted off to sleep, we had to make an abrupt stop to switch trains due to mechanical issues. As we all made the transition to our new coach, car, and seats, it was as if a giant game of fruit basket turnover had taken place. In our new environment there were Dutch, English, Spanish, Irish, American, and African travelers. Nearly every one of us was of adult age, except for two precious little girls under the age of 3. Their mothers, dressed in traditional Kangas, boarded with bags and babies in tow. As our train reconvened our journey, these little ones among us began to drift further and further away from their mothers. And further, and further, until they were running up and down the isle. As my observation began, I asked myself, “what would this very train ride look like in the US?” And I tried to keep that question applicable to the events that followed. These little ones soon were all sprinted out. Their mothers looked frustrated and tired. The way a parent of a toddler would look at 5pm in the afternoon after wrangling two little ones all day.

Sensing this, the women of the train took action. As the little girls tired, they found their way to different women on the train who then served as surrogate moms. The women, of varying age and origin, took turns holding and rocking the girls while they napped. After they woke, they then took turns letting the children watch Bluey on their phone or playing with them. We had created a microcosm of worldwide community and what it should look like. No racism, no political divide, no hate, just caring for one another and doing it gladly. And just as I helped my peers from the Netherlands understand the conductor’s instructions in Spanish, let me translate today’s message.

3 Steps to take to help build COMMUNITY in your family, team, or organization:

1 - Don’t force someone to wear the clothes you want them to wear - It’s ok to disagree. It’s not ok to force your way of doing things on them. As a leader we hold expectations and need to hold people accountable to them. “Everyone needs to wear clothes.” How they “dress” when they meet or exceed our organizations’ expectations is not for us to dictate. Everyone thinks, acts, and behaves differently and that should be celebrated. The culture of an organization thrives when expectations are met while autonomy is present because everyone’s impact is unique.

2 - Madre Mia! Sweep your shed! - Practice responsibility for yourself, your actions, and proactively for your decisions. Be willing to admit when you’re wrong and work toward growing, and don’t hinder the environment with negativity. Your “trash” goes in the bin, not in the space others also occupy.

3 - We’re all on the same train. In order to make the journey, we need each other. On a larger scale, we’re all sharing this planet, just as my fellow travelers and I shared a train car. Within your family, team, or organization, the ideals of a community are the same. Accept others, be honest and sincere, recognize when they need help, and don’t hesitate to lend a hand. Like John Maxwell said, “If service is beneath you, leadership is beyond you.” A great leader helps to create and facilitate an environment like this by modeling it and living it.

And just as my train ride ended and we all went our separate ways into the wonderful city of Sevilla, we all have busy and exciting weeks ahead of us. I hope you can apply today’s lessons this week and pray that your days and path are anointed. Lead well, lead all, start with the person in the mirror. Be blessed leaders.