The Tribe Gathering - Sunday Mindset For The Week Ahead

Accepting complete responsibility for your life means that you refuse to make excuses or blame others for anything in your life that you’re not happy about. – Brian Tracy

Although the title of this edition might sound like some sort of hillbilly purgatory, I was on vacation and it was quite the opposite. Perhaps the most meaningful vacation I’ve ever experienced. My family and I were traveling for ten days and rather than write this newsletter, I spent my time observing. Something my loving wife says about me, though I haven’t figured out if it’s a compliment or not, is that I see the lesson in everything. For me, every interaction with the world and the people in it holds a lesson on leadership. The necessary lens by which this must be seen is “What can I learn from this?” But before you get to a place in which you’re receptive to that you must first find humility, but sometimes it finds you. We were walking down to the beach to see a fireworks show on the evening of July 4th. My “spidey-senses” were telling me that was a bad idea.

“The narrow ramp would be overwhelmed in the event of an emergency on the beach,” I told myself. I stayed heightened and frustrated for a while until I realized the joy that the rest of my family had in living in that moment and not analyzing everything as a threat. My lesson there was to prioritize. To prioritize sharing that memory with my family, to prioritize threats and identify the immediate ones like knowing where my youngest was in the darkness, and to prioritize one of my daughters who was attempting to show me affection and to capture that memory with me. What I needed to do in that moment, other than get a better attitude, was to zoom my lens in and take responsibility for my immediate role in the immediate environment I was experiencing. And that’s what these topics all have in common. To gather the lesson, zoom in and analyze yourself, then take responsibility. Here are 3 lessons I acquired over my vacation and the muse for each.

Extreme Ownership is a both a tremendous collection of leadership lessons written by Navy Seals, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, and an ideology we all need to adopt. I purchased the book as a part of my summer reading list and began reading it prior to leaving for our vacation. The embedded ethos within each lesson is to own your role by taking responsibility of it. As I read, the waves of memories in which I could’ve been a better leader, as well as ideas for how to improve my leadership and that of my team began to wash over me as the tide coming in did as I sat in my beach chair half in the sand and half in the water. One thing is certain, your leadership cannot emulate your beach chair. There is no “half in” when it comes to being a leader. When you lead, it’s yours and the results are yours. There is no one else to blame for failure. Just like me when I sat down in my chair and it flipped over in the sand. As my fellow beachgoers and even family had a roaring laugh at my expense, I owned it and took a bow. “I’m here all week everyone, tip your waitress!” I exclaimed as I picked up my self, chair, and pride up from the sand.

Our party was comprised of me, my wife, children, and in-laws in one RV, my parents, a sister, and her children in another, and another sister, friend, and nephew in the third. We stayed side by side in an RV park one block from the beach. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what to expect. Just like the beach firework situation, my mind analyzed possible threats and it ran wild when doing so. As the week went on here are some observations I made. Everywhere in the gated community there was signage with expectations and guidelines. On the roads, by the pool, even in the restrooms. And, for 7 days, everyone present complied. “How is that possible?” I asked myself. How can all of these strangers live so closely to one another and there not be chaos? The answer is, good leadership. Prior to arriving we had received physical mail as well as emails detailing rules, regs, and procedures. But here’s the real key, everyone there had the same mission That is, have a great vacation and stay safe. Every person in every slot took responsibility for their role in that objective. On the fourth when fireworks were to stop by midnight, they did. Dogs were on leashes, people helped one another, music volumes were kept at respectful levels, & speed limits were observed. That little microcosm of society worked because everyone owned their role in the same mission. And not once did I see the proprietors. I didn’t have to, they had already communicated fully to everyone what they expected. If you’re a leader, can you say that? Can you make the same proclamation? Your objectives, procedures, and expectations are communicated so succinctly that you can be absent to allow for decentralized leadership. If not, get busy communicating up & down the chain as well as sideways. As my father in law strummed the guitar and sang classic rock and roll, I taught my daughters how to play Texas Hold em’ and then stopped to take it all in. In the dark all around us, our neighboring RV’ers had brought out lawn chairs and lined the street around us so that they could hear my artist of a father in law practice his craft. It was like a gift he was giving to entire little community. We had all mastered our role in the group’s mission. We might as well have all met up previously and gone on the trip together.

You may not see Waffle House as ground zero for a philosophical and personal awakening, but for me that’s exactly what happened in my booth. Without going into too much detail, I’ve blamed someone I love for many of my short-comings and I’ve done so for the majority of my life. What I gained from a much needed conversation with them was to be scattered, smothered, and covered with gratitude, with a side of shame. What I’d failed to see was what I had learned from this person despite the manner in which the lesson was taught. I’d also failed to zoom in and focus on my role in the relationship. It’s always easier to blame someone else. And so it is with leadership. Regardless of what life or other people throw at you, it shapes you. You determine if that’s positive or negative. Ownership of every relationship with every person whether they are your direct leader or a junior leader belongs to you. If the rapport goes North, South, or sideways like the route back home from Florida through Alabama, you are responsible for curating them.

And just as it is when you’re driving home across 4 states, in chaotic traffic, and your navigation has gone rogue and sent you into a cotton field in Mississippi, in leadership sometimes you need to focus on what’s right in front of you and then own it. Extract the lesson from your immediate circumstance and environment. Prioritize the immediate needs of the people you lead. Own your relationships, communication, and role in the mission. Then own your responsibility to get everybody home safely, tucked in, and with beautiful recollections of the experience.

Have a great week of leadership. Whatever mission you have, own your role. Then zoom in on the relationships you have with the people you lead on that mission and own those as well. Communicate with the people you lead and reaffirm expectations when needed. Prioritize emergent needs and look for the lessons all around you. Just like this picture my wife took on July 4th, on the beach, while I sat next to her and held my daughter, you DO NOT want to miss these lessons. That’s the good stuff. Have a blessed week.