The Tribe Gathering- Sunday Mindset For The Week Ahead

For “B”

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) - E.E. Cummings

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that my wife has affectionately commented to me that I look for the lesson in everything. Sometimes, to the detriment of over-analyzing. Over the past two weeks, I observed her actions, words, and heart, as well as those of some other specific members of her family. This isn’t a love letter to her I might add. However, it is a form of commendation for her and those members of her family. My wife is a Coach, and a very good one at that. And over this short duration she and her family taught me in abundance what servant leadership in this life truly looks like.

Tragedy struck our family two weeks ago. Without going into too much detail or identities, a family member very close to my wife, a sisterhood of sorts, was in a horrific accident with her children. Sadly, they lost their youngest son, I’ll refer to him as “B,” after a 4 day battle for life in the hospital. He was 8 years old. A bright, vibrant, brilliant little boy with the sweetest soul. As a family, we had just completed our quarantine from a bout of Covid. Though my wife was exhausted, scared, and heartbroken, she jumped in her jeep and drove 3 hours to be with her family in the hospital.

As the week unfolded, each day held a brief but poignant conversation with my wife. She shared stories from Bryce’s parents of his brilliance, joy, and selflessness. I had the pleasure and privilege of knowing him and experiencing his energy and life force. But, the things shared with me and others recently gave me a glimpse into his heart and potential. And from these heart felt anecdotes and the weeks’ occurrences, I extracted these lessons:

Servant Leadership Is Rooted In Relationship: It is the bud of the bud and root of the root. As servant leaders we must be intentional in every relationship we have with our junior leaders and those we serve. If we make broad general statements such as, “I’m here for you,” then when a moment happens in which that person needs you, you get up and GO. No questions, no hesitations, no excuses. GO.

My wife’s cousin, “J,” was left emotionally, spiritually, and physically broken. With a fractured leg, sternum, and broken ankle, she awoke from surgery and asked where her children were. Upon receiving the information, she messaged a friend to come get her. She checked herself out of the hospital and went to her son. Her husband was working out of state. After receiving the news of the accident a family friend who happens to be a pilot, flew to him and picked him up to expedite the journey. These instances of extraordinary love and effort are emulations of the aforementioned point. Leadership in action cares not for itself, but only of those it can serve.

In such dire shape, my wife’s cousin couldn’t even get herself into a shower. So, my wife rolled up her sleeves and opened her heart. She wheeled her cousin into the tiny hospital bathroom, picked her up and placed her in the shower, and helped bathe her. Washing away worry and sorrow with the application of selfless love and care. Smiles and laughs were even shared in such a tumultuous time. That’s the impact of selfless leadership. This brings me to my next point:

Leadership bridges the gaps between CAN & CAN’T as well as SAY & DO: A servant leader sometimes must theoretically “wash” the feet of those they serve by helping them believe in themselves through encouragement, teaching, and counsel. And then, there are times in which we must apply the literal sense of this anecdote and wash the feet of those we serve, care for, and lead. Search your heart and “roster” this week for those you lead that need your application of leadership for either or both instances of this ethos and apply in abundance and with an open heart and mind.

As the family made its way through the hospital wing as part of the “Hope Walk,” a final walk out of the hospital for the parents as their beloved baby is taken to an OR and prepped for surgery to donate their life saving organs, they received a standing ovation from their caregivers. The question you’re probably asking is, “Why?” Prior to the walk, recipients of the donor organs are located and affirmed as matches. The walk is a form of gratitude for the donor and their family’s sacrifice in order to provide life for another. “B,” loved helping his daddy, brother, and momma. He held them accountable when needed, and helped his momma mow the yard and water their abundant garden and flowers. My final lesson learned is from “B,” and his parents.

Leadership is SACRIFICE: His final act on this earth was to give life to at least 3 other children. And his parents’ final show of love to and for their son was to say goodbye and agree to “stop care,” so that they could let him go, as well as give more life to other families. As leaders, we must very often give up what we want, for the needs of those we lead. We must set aside vanity, ego, and selfish want in order to serve others.

So leaders, this week when you’re exhausted, frustrated, and need a break but someone you lead and serve is in need, take this “sermon” to heart: Feed that relationship on purpose with love, attention, and sacrifice. If your people need you = get up and go. And, sacrifice what you must in order to see them succeed.

Candice my love, thank you for the lesson. To our family and B, thank you for your sacrifice and for sharing his life with us. To the readers of this newsletter, go lead intentionally today. Tomorrow is not granted to us, but our legacy will live on. What will yours be? For “B” I can only speculate what a magnificent leader he would’ve grown into, when in only 8 years he already taught so much. “B” Thank you for the lessons and for showing me and my son the joy of playing soccer again while barefoot in the grass in the Ozark mountains.

Have a blessed week.