The Tribe Gathering- Sunday Mindset For The Week Ahead

"She did not stand alone, but what stood behind her, the most potent moral force in her life, was the love of her father."- Harper Lee, Go Set a Watchman

HAPPY FATHERS DAY

Self-Reflection is one of the first things we all do each morning. Whether we want to take a look at the hot mess or not, we look anyway. Discovering new blemishes and wrinkles that must have manifested themselves overnight while we slept. That narrative is much easier than the obvious reasoning of aging. But the visible flaws are not the only ones we take inventory of. Waking up to these realizations is difficult. The busyness of the day begins to fill our mind and we might even ask ourselves if we’re up for it or if seeking the security of the covers for 5 more minutes is worth it. The reflection we’d then have to look at would carry with it not just a toothbrush hanging out of our mouth as we frantically get ready, but also a lot of embarrassment. Looking at yourself in a mirror is a catalyst for a barrage of questions you harbor. And probably one of the hardest conversations you’ll have all day. So, you have to make it effective and impactful.

July 25th, 2009 was one of the most difficult mornings I’ve ever woken up to. The life I had lived for the last nine years and really every thing around me that made up my “life” had come to an abrupt halt the day before when the police chaplain hauntingly uttered the words, “she’s gone.” My wife, the mother of my twin 1 year old twins had left this world and whatever life I had come to know had also left me, shattering like glass into unrecognizable shards around me as I grasped for a way to make sense of what was happening. The man looking back at me that morning was scared out of his mind. I had no idea who that guy staring at me was as he said, “What are you going to do old boy?” As I’ve mentioned in a previous newsletter, the voice that answered was really not my own, but rather the words of my college rugby coach, Curt Huckaby. Simply saying, “Get on the line.” And all of a sudden the fear melted away as the answer to my question became as glaringly obvious as the mess of hair, blood shot eyes, and dark circles under them. “Live for my daughters.” The solution was in service to them not to myself. The answer was provided though the question asked was the wrong one. Put ego and perspective aside and serve those I love.

And so it is with our own self-reflection and accountability. The busyness of our day clouds our ability to see others’ perspectives, feelings, problems, and lives. It’s like trying to shave while someone showers. The ability to see clearly is absent and we end up doing harm. The shame we can feel after poorly responding to someone that needs us or being unthoughtful in the manner in which we treat those we serve and lead is much worse than the embarrassment of walking around with toilet paper on your lacerated face or legs.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could've been any clearer
If they wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change - Michael Jackson “Man In The Mirror”

A mirror isn’t needed all the time though. There are various other strategies for self reflecting such as:

1- Journaling 2- Self-questioning 3- Personal Action and Effects Inventory 4 - Sharing your thoughts

This week practice mindfulness proactively by taking into consideration the people you live with and lead before you respond with word or actions. Ask yourself questions such as, “What do I look like to them when I respond?” Body language, facial expressions, tone, & message all play vital parts in this. At the end of each day take an inventory of your responses as they encompass all of the above variables. If there are amends to be made, then the next day intentionally set out to do so. Servant leadership is done by thinking of others more than we think of ourselves.

So tomorrow morning when you wake up and make the long walk to the mirror, remember to take it easy on the one staring back at you first. They’re human too. They make mistakes, say idiotic things, and do embarrassing stuff like running out of the house late for work with their shirt half tucked in, toothpaste on their cheek, and different colored socks on. Or worse, a face or legs covered in blood soaked toilet paper dots. Hold them and others accountable, but hold up the mirror what that looks like and do so out of love for the person. Now go set your timers for Monday so you wake up on time and can be taken seriously as you lead. And dads, have a nap today you deserve it. And, remember to shave before your wife gets in the shower.